Ms Chase:Hello Lisa, welcome to Just Answer, my name is Chase
Customer (name blocked for privacy):Hi Chase
Ms Chase:May I ask you a few questions
Customer (name blocked for privacy):sure
Ms Chase:is this her stepfather?
Ms Chase:also, can you give me an overview of some of the issues?
Customer (name blocked for privacy):No, real dad and we are married
Ms Chase:,
Ms Chase:How long have you been married?
Customer (name blocked for privacy):My husband is very much an a type perfectionist and we have been married for almost 14 years
Ms Chase:.
Customer (name blocked for privacy):He thinks that my daughter has a poor attitude and does try hard enough from school work to soccer to doing things at home
Ms Chase:have they always had issues or is this new?
Ms Chase:doesn't try hard enough you mean?
Ms Chase:and what do you think? do you agree?
Customer (name blocked for privacy):yes, Pretty new, I think a lot of it is typical teenage girl stuff. I talk to a lot of other moms and they see the same with their daughters as far as attitude
Ms Chase:.
Customer (name blocked for privacy):I think he is too hard on her and he thinks I am not hard enough
Ms Chase:it is typical at that age, when they are expected to act more like an 'adult' yet still stay in their 'place' as a child
Ms Chase:it's important that whatever differences you and him have when it comes to her are not known to her
Ms Chase:its best that she sees the two of you as one solid agreeing unit
Customer (name blocked for privacy):I think part of the problem is he seems to think she should act like an adult and doesn't remember she is still a kid
Ms Chase:yes, that is a common problem, most often when a child is mature
Customer (name blocked for privacy):acting as one is tough when I feel like I am running interference between the two
Ms Chase:if there is a problem with her, even if you have to delay punishment, the two of you should discuss it in private, come to a decision and present your decision to her as one
Ms Chase:right, I understnad, its a matter of him not making decisions without talking to you and vice versa
Ms Chase:relearning how to do things, its hard but not impossible
Ms Chase:the bad thing is that by putting you in the middle, the both of them can always blame you
Customer (name blocked for privacy):I think we do okay with dealing with punishment but I am worried because they used to be pretty close but his toughness is pushing her away
Ms Chase:thats why the decision should be made in private so that she never knows who made what decision
Customer (name blocked for privacy):She thinks she has to be perfect and that he doesn't like her because she isn't
Ms Chase:have you sat down and talked to him about it? A big part of his 'toughness' may be false bravado at seeing his little girl turning into a woman
Ms Chase:fear of what comes next
Ms Chase:so he has to understand how it can hurt and effect her, possibly for the rest of her life